Unlike past generations, children today can witness horrific events in real time through media and social platforms. News and digital content collapse distance, allowing people far removed from an event to experience its emotional impact repeatedly. Individuals may be exposed to graphic images, videos, and highly emotional commentary from anywhere in the world, streaming across multiple devices. This material frequently appears without warning in news feeds or messages, making it difficult for both youth and adults to avoid, even when they try to disengage. It sends the message that they have no control… that they are living in an unsafe world.
When exposed to traumatic events, kids will experience a complex mix of emotional, cognitive, physical, and behavioral responses shaped by their developmental phase, environment, and level of media exposure. And this trauma does not just fade away after it happens. Trauma that is not addressed is cumulative, building up in the psyche over time, bringing more stress to the child’s whole developing physical and psychological system.
After constant exposure to trauma stressors, they begin to live in a constant state of alert, even when a traumatic event is no longer actively occurring. Their bodies and brains may remain prepared for danger long after the threat has passed. They may also begin to interpret normal stimuli in the environment as “dangerous” and react accordingly – even though it’s not.
What early signs should parents and caregivers look for so they can step in and help?
- Change in sleeping patterns, not wanting to get out of bed, or not sleeping at all
- Change in eating habit: not eating, of eating only certain things
- Sadness, tearfulness, unable to calm self, irrational while upset
- Fear for personal or family safety, anxiety, a view of the world as unpredictable or dangerous
- Unable/unwilling to trust people they previously trusted
- Hyperarousal, easily startled, nightmares, flashbacks
- Regression (behaving in a childlike way, loss of skills, bedwetting, etc.)
- Irritability, anger, difficulty regulating emotion
- Headaches, upset stomach, other physical complaints
- Trouble focusing, feeling “numb” or “fuzzy”, withdrawal, or shutdown
- Not wanting to engage in normal activities, such as going to school
- Not wanting to leave their “comfort zone”
- Being “okay” most of the time but then “breaking down” unexpectedly
Parents should not underestimate the power of vicarious traumatization — when individuals experience trauma‑related responses through indirect exposure to distressing events. It’s important to remember that anything a person views in the media that strikes a chord for them personally due to a past event, or a personal concern/issue, can trigger distressing emotions.
Now imagine that a real-life big-T trauma happens on top of all that. A car accident kills a best friend, a suicide of a 10th grader three months after the last suicide, an active shooter at a movie theater in the next town over, a war half a world away that seems like it’s in our back yard because of the graphic media coverage. Those “early” signs we were looking for start to progress to more severe symptoms. Everything on the list just becomes more frequent and more intense, and you become less able to manage it.
What parents and caregivers can say and do to help:
- Take care of yourself. As parents, we can’t help our children if we aren’t taking care of our own needs. Stay calm. Wait to talk to your child until you can be calm; kids “borrow” adult calm. Use a steady tone and relaxed body language. Model grounding strategies (slow breathing, pauses, naming feelings). Take breaks if you feel overwhelmed.
- Maintain routines. Structure is helpful for a feeling of safety. Continue to attend and go to trauma-informed places (school, extra-curriculars, faith communities, etc.)
- Listen more than you talk. Ask “What have you heard?” “What questions do you have?” Some kids need time, so accept silence. Don’t force disclosure, but don’t give up; continue to come back until you discover where the child is. Help them put a name to their emotions and validate them. This helps them slowly process information about the event(s) that has/have occurred.
- Talk to your child about what happened but only give them age-appropriate information they need to understand. Answer what they ask and nothing more. (Example: “Mom, did anyone get hurt?” “Yes, it’s sad, but some people did get hurt.” It’s not necessary to give the details.)
- Let kids know what to expect next—even small things.
- Limit exposure to media, including news, social media, and graphic content. Watch together when exposure can’t be avoided. Help kids put context around what they see.
- Be tolerant and understanding of worry, fear, sadness and anger and remind yourself that they are normal responses given the circumstances.
- Do whatever you can to make your child feel safe and secure. Be understanding that especially in this case there may be children who do not feel safe going to school right away. This will be something you’ll need to work out on a day-by-day basis. Remind them of who is keeping them safe.
- Encourage play, drawing, music, storytelling, or movement. Spend one‑on‑one time when possible. Offer choices to restore autonomy.
- Seek extra support when needed. Reach out to school counselors, therapists, or pediatricians. Seek help if symptoms persist, intensify, or interfere with daily functioning.
Why do these things help?
- Children coregulate (regulate themselves by watching a calm adult) before they self‑regulate (regulate on their own).
- Feeling heard is more important than having the “right” answers.
- Validation reduces shame and emotional overload.
- Too much detail increases fear; too little can fuel imagination.
- Predictability calms the nervous system and restores a sense of control.
- Children sometimes process trauma through their bodies and actions more so than words.
- Early support can prevent long‑term impact. Don’t wait!
A short list of DON’Ts for adults in these situations:
- Don’t ignore your own well‑ Burned-out adults can’t regulate kids. Seek support, supervision, or breaks. Practice self‑compassion.
- Don’t minimize, dismiss, or rush feelings. Avoid phrases like “You’re fine.” “It could be worse.” “Just don’t think about it.” “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re not trusting God.”
- Don’t overwhelm them with adult fears – especially your own. Don’t share graphic details or speculate about worst-case scenarios in front of children.
- Don’t force kids to “process,” or insist they explain feelings, or pressure them to “get over it.” Don’t expect quick recovery.
- Don’t assume silence equals no impact. Some children internalize distress; just because a child is silent does not mean they are not thinking.
- Don’t punish trauma‑related behaviors. Avoid harsh discipline for emotional outbursts, withdrawal, difficulty focusing, or regression.
- Don’t compare children’s reactions. Avoid: “Your sibling is doing fine. “Other kids have it worse.” “You’re the only one in this entire class that is still leaving to see the guidance counselor once a day.”
What’s normal in waiting for improvement?
It is normal for symptoms to persist for a few weeks after exposure to trauma. However, it really depends on how long your child has been taking in potentially traumatic content online and on how many other traumatic events have occurred in their life. Every child (and every adult, for that matter) is different; it may take a little longer for some or less time for others.
The hope is that over a few weeks’ time that symptoms will slowly improve with support. If they do not, or if they get worse, it’s time to turn to a professional for help.
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If you only remember one thing from this article about what to do or not do in responding to kids living in an unsafe world, it should be this: When adults respond with curiosity, compassion, and regulation, children are far more likely to feel safe, heal, and grow.
Jodi S. W. Whitcomb, M.S., is the Executive Director of Organizational Development at KidsPeace. She also serves as the Agency Coordinator of the KidsPeace Oasis Response Team, the Director of TeenCentral.com, as well as a Senior Consultant for the KidsPeace Institute.
